I was a leader once.
I failed my team. I walked away. I still wanted to be the boots on the ground, the one with all the answers. I wanted to develop myself more than I wanted to develop others.
I still cared about the development of others. I was just more interested in the results I got from developing myself. Developing others was much harder, and it was harder to see the results.
Maybe I didn’t fail, but rather, my boss failed me, by not seeing what was happening. I would have benefited from a speech about having to choose between my own development in expertise and that of my team. I probably would’ve left sooner, but that would have led to less frustration for everyone. I took the role knowing I wanted to do something else, but eager to have the experience of leadership. To be fair, the division was closing down anyway, so maybe it was the perfect opportunity to stretch my wings and try it out.